Sleepless at 0110

I am awake.

Eating Kettle Chips and leftover loveletters.

Fellowship of the Ring extended version is playing in the background but I'm not really watching.

It has been my default movie to watch when I'm down.

My childhood friend of 23 years is getting married in the morning and I'll be in the entourage.

I really should be sleeping now but I just can't.

I had a splitting headache just before dinner and had popped 2 nurofens. I wonder if that's keeping me awake?

There is so much for me to say...but I reckon I can no longer fully speak my mind - here.

Maybe I'll start a new blog, anonymously.

One where I can speak about the things that I cannot utter here.

I am awake.

But I'm really weary.

Pong, Petrol and Poo

This afternoon, while at my mum's place, I smell something burning.

Ah. It was the burning of offerings downstairs. It's apparently some traditional chinese occasion today.

My mum began to shut all the windows, concerned that the smell will affect both Zining and Sean, who were having their afternoon nap.

And then, I told my mum:

"Don't! I like the smell!"

And I meant it! I am actually quite fond of the burning whiff.

There's some kind of...."wholesomeness" to it if I may say.

Which brings me to another dodgy penchant of mine.

The smell of petrol.

I remember when I was young and when my dad brought the car to fill up the tank, again, my mum would wind up the windows (our car has a non-functioning aircon).

And I would beg for her to wind it down because I want to smell the petrol!

Which brings me to yet another unorthodox incident.

Which may well be the consequence of me indulging too much in the previous two activites!

Well, this time, it's really to do with my idiocy.

You know, ever since Sean is capable of eating, there would be traces of food all around the house.

And I would have to painstakingly clear up the mess as quick as possible, before Sean's little feet scatter them around even more.

Sometimes, I get so desperate while cleaning up that I would shove up those little pieces of food - biscuit crumbles, bread crumbs and whatnots into my mouth.

My mouth - the convenient dustbin!

One afternoon sometime ago, Sean and I were on the bed. Sean was playing with his toys, while I was pumping milk.

Then something caught my eye. It was a light brown piece of something. What could it be?

Ah! It must be a flake of the tau sar piah that I was munching on just a while ago (I usually snack while expressing milk).

So I conveniently picked it up and shoved it into the convenient dustbin.

But strangely, as I looked back onto that spot on the bed, the light brown thing is still there.

I tried to pick it up again. But this time, the light brown thing remained there.

Upon closer scrutiny, I realised.....

It was a stain. Intangible, untouchable, unremovable on the bedsheet.

A most disgusting thought crept into my mind and I checked Sean's diaper....

It was filled to the brim with poo! And running all over the waistband of his pants!

Which means his stupid mother me, has just ate a fragment of his poo.

I have not eaten a single tau sar piah ever since.

Us as One

 The trinity ring was created by Cartier in 1925.

It has become a symbol of the three virtues associated with love - loyalty, honesty and romance.

The pure simplicity of three magically intertwined circles of pink, yellow, and white gold.

Cartier's legendary symbol of love, friendship and fidelity.

On the stroke of midnight on Valentine's Day, Steve gave me this ring.

We have not been wearing our rings ever since....I can't remember when?

We took it off years back due to that tumultous period.

We got a pair of the LOTR rings when we were in Edinburgh and wore it for a long time.

I took off mine when I was having Sean, because for some reason, it gave me rashes out of the blue.

And it has remained off since then. Ah, now I remember.

And Steve took his off some time back due to lab-work purposes.

But now, we're wearing couple rings again.

And this time, it meant so much more.

The Trinity Ring - for us, it means the love binding Steve and Sean to me, and I to them.

It means the love binding us as one.

Thank you my love.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Hope it was a good 3 days of rest and festivities for all of you!

Ours was great. Sean had quite some rounds of visiting and received many angbaos from his aunties and uncles. His "GongXi GongXi" gesture and giving of oranges to everyone he sees made everyone happy and gush over him.

It wasn't all that swimmingly well though. I suppose because his naptimes are all screwed up that he actually put on some bad behaviours while visiting. I can really sense the terrible twos coming on. No wait. IT IS ALREADY HERE!!!!

Nevertheless, we love you Sean!

Aiyah! Drop my orange.

Never mind, pick them up again.

Ok, here goes....

GONG XI FA CAI!!!

20 Months Old!

My son is 20 months old today and every bit a mischevious toddler!

I love you Sean Wong Jingxuan!!!

Things that I need to be grateful for

Feeding Sean has always been a challenging task.

Make that an astronomically challenging task.

Sometimes he can eat so easily...but yet almost all the time, he doesn't want to eat willingly.

I always have to distract him with something else, whether they can be ridiculous or not, stares from onlookers no longer bother me. I think I'm just short of stripping and flashing my boobies at Sean as one distraction method. Then again, what makes me think that'll interest him?

In fact on so many occasions, I have the mind to just turn to the neighbouring diners and say: Yes that's how I make my son eat so stop staring and mind your own business thank you very much.

Recently, the food strike has loomed on us again.

Well, it has never really gone away. On a good count, Sean will eat well (2 square meals) for say, 3 days in a week. The rest, he survives on mainly milk, and junk.

And mind you, those 3 good days are really made possible only because I've come up with something new to distract him with, eg. tin of milk powder with remnants of milk powder left and him fiddling with it.

Then he will lose interest after that god-sent 3 days.

Sigh. I wish Sean can be easier to feed.

I admit, I have to bear some responsibility for how things have turned out. Maybe I have actually cultivated the habit of distracting him for him to eat, hence he can only eat in this way now.

But I have to come up with ways to make him eat, haven't I?

Else the alternative would be to let him be. He'll come to me when he's hungry.

Well, he will. But he will only go for things like biscuits and whatnots. Not proper meals.

So you tell me what to do?

I lament alot these days, most of the times in front of Sean.

AND HE DOES KNOW. SEAN KNOWS WHEN I'M COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS EATING HABITS. HE WILL LOOK AT ME A CERTAIN WAY.

My mum kept telling me: Sean's a sensible boy. He doesn't speak, but he understands alot, more than you think he does.

This post is to remind me to "treat" Sean better, and that FEEDING HIM IS NOT THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO DO AS A MOTHER.

For this one main problem, I shouldn't overlook the things that Sean has made me so proud of being his mother.

Steve said his colleague who has a 2 year old girl still doesn't sleep through the night. My Sean has done so since he's 2 months old, and he has given me sooo many good nights' sleep. This is a luxury that not many mothers enjoy.

And he doesn't need to be patted to sleep. Just put him in his bed, and he'll fall asleep by himself.

Sean comes to me for hugs and kisses when he's sad or hurt, eg. reprimanded by Steve, when he falls. Sean ALWAYS comes to me for that, never to Steve.

Sean took the initiative to throw his used diaper into the dustbin after a change. I've never taught him that.

Sean took the initiative to wipe dry the mess he made with water. I've never taught him that.

He switches off the TV in the living room whenever I told him we're going out or going into the bedroom. Sometimes without me telling him to do so.

He sleeps in his own bed, hardly ever demanding to sleep with us.

Whenever he wakes up earlier than us (which by then we would have woken too, but are pretending to sleep) he would stand up on his bed and steal peeps at us to check whether we're awake, and if we're not, he would lie back down and entertain himself until we're awake. Hardly ever does he scream for us to attend to him.

I suppose there are some more but these are the more significant ones that I am grateful for.

So Nicole, get this in ur thick skull. Sean is hard to feed, but don't magnify this into so big a problem that you fail to see his achievements.

So chill.

One of his good days: Polishing off every single ounce of soup

Playing peek-a-boo behind the door

Doing the "Cute Cute"

Yet another one of his play-dead antics

"Want me to eat? Talk to my leg!"