媽媽的味道

I've not been feeling so well lately.

If it's not the migraine, it's the flu.

Just this morning, I had such a bad case of migraine I vommited.

The throbbing pain on the left side of my head was so bad it felt just like a hammer pounding open my skull.

It's living hell.

Despite this, I still have to grit and carry on with expressing milk.

Thanks to a couple of painkillers and some precious time stolen from Steve just before he went to work, I managed to get some shuteye and most of the pain went away, though I'm still typing now with a heavy head.

The discomfort that I've been feeling recently made me think of my mum alot.

I've got this neighbour, don't know which one exactly. But everytime she/he cooks, the smell would be so enticing that it makes me hungry.

And that is when I'll think of my mum alot too.

I remember the younger days, whenever I was sick, Mum would cook pork porridge (ba-bey) for me.

That fragrance, that smell....it still has such a lingering comforting feeling to me.

Like a huge pair of arms hugging me and telling me that the pain would go away soon after the hot bowl of porridge.

I miss my Mum, and I miss all the food she's cooked for me.

And then I wonder what Sean would remember of me? What smell?

Sean is 7 months old!

Sean is 7 months old today!

Time flies.

This also means I've been breastfeeding and pumping milk for the past 7 months.

I've also truly understand the meaning of parenthood.

You never stop worrying for your child.

Just recently again, I've caught the flu bug and sadly, have passed it to Sean.

And so he developed a fever. And we were ever so worried for him.

Cos understandably, Sean was hence not a happy bunny. And we all miss his usual chirpy self.

It could be also because he's teething.

He has also developed rashes around his mouth, probably due to the excessive drooling due to his budding teeth.

Sigh.

I wish it can be easier for him.

Everytime I look at him when he's sleeping, I would stroke his head and tell him,
"Baby, I wish I can take over all your pain and discomfort. Just pass them all to me ok?"


And after pumping for so long, I wonder if it's time to wean him off breastmilk.

It's not easy having blocked ducts so often cos Sean latches on only about twice a day.

Not to mention the uncomfortable engorgement and painful lumps...

But everytime I feel like giving up, I think about the regret that I would have when Sean is finally weaned.

Cos really, nothing beats the feeling of knowing that I'm giving the best nutrition to Sean. After all, he's been drinking it exclusively for the past 7 months.

And so, I think I will still go on giving him breastmilk, as long as I can still manage it.

So as a record, here's Sean's schedule on a typical day:

7.30am: Wakes up and waits for us to come by his cot to pick him up.
8.00am: Got picked up by Mummy and placed on bed, playing whilst looking at Mummy pump away.
9.00am: 150ml BM.
10.00am: Happy bathtime with Mummy.
11.00am: Nap (latch on)
1.00pm: Rice cereal + 30ml BM (mixed with veg/fruit puree).
2.30pm: 120ml BM.
3.15pm: Playtime whilst looking at Mummy pump away.
4.30pm: Nap (latch on)
5.30pm: Rice cereal + 30ml BM (mixed with veg/fruit puree).
6.15pm: 100ml BM.
7.15pm: Quick bath.
8.30pm: 175ml BM.
9.00pm: Good night Baby.

It's a good schedule, and I'm glad Sean can go to bed early rather than late.

Except that it's rather haywired now that he's teething, and he'd wake up once or twice in the night feeling fussy.

It's been a wonderful 7 months with Sean. And I'm ever so grateful for all the ups and downs throughout this period.

I know I can be a better mother to Sean. So I'll tough it out for the many more years to come.

I love Sean very very much. So much that I wonder how can I ever have a second child, cos then I would have to give my love to another?

It's like letting Sean down....

Haha! Seems like I really do think too much.

Getting delirious here cos it's so late now and I'm blogging now becos I think I won't have anytime tomorrow to blog for his 7 months birthday.

I just want the world to know, I'm so so proud of my son.

Standing already!!

Sean is standing!!!

My handsome boy...love him so much!

是時候了...

人也有心情不好的時候。。。。

就算是再堅強，再僞裝，再知足的人。。

我們大家都一樣。

Sometimes I blame myself for thinking too much.

For worrying too much.

So much so that in my mind, I've already conjured an escape plan.

You know.

For those "Just-in-case" cases...

Sometimes, I want to just cry it all out.

Like how I'd sometimes drop a few tears in front of Sean.

And you know the most amazing thing is, Sean would look at me lovingly, as if telling me not to cry anymore, cos I have him.

And that's everything in the world to me, seriously.

It's not that I'm complaining, or that I've been feeling unhappy.

It's just that...things hit you once in a while, and it makes you jolt abit out of your seat.

Your throne of contentment.

I've been feeling nothing but happiness and fortune for so long that I'm rather afraid I can't cope if I were to feel unhappy all of a sudden.

It's not that unhappiness has not hit me at all. Rather, I've not succumbed to it, cos for what? Since I already have everything good in this world?

But if one fine moment, I'm not that strong, I'm not that contented, I'm not that generous, I'm not that kind, then what would happen?

Would things get so out of control that it gets ugly?

So, maybe it's good to actually throw a temper once in a while.

Or feel angry, unhappy once in a while.

Cos then, I can learn to accept things that I cannot avert.

Sigh.

I love Sean so very much.