Timeout

Strange how this is going to be so in contrast with the previous post....

I flew into a rage at Sean this morning. And it was the first time I ever did so.

I banged doors, talked loudly, scolded him, did all these while he's finally fell asleep after he kicked up a big fuss while I was expressing milk. I know I shouldn't have...I felt so bad after my tantrum that I cried so badly, telling Sean that Mummy's very sorry.

And my milk supply has dropped...

After 3 plus months of expressing milk round the clock and totalling about 1.5 litres of milk supply every day, I've decided to cut back to expressing less times per day.

And supply has dropped.

1.5 litres is alot for Sean. But the thought of seeing that drop saddens and makes me feel so guilty.

I'm not a working mother, thus providing Sean with milk is the least I can do, isn't it?

Everyday, I have to deal with engorgement issues, not having enough milk, pacifying and entertaining Sean while I'm tied up with expressing, feeding him every 2 to 3 hours, everything! And I simply hate engorgement! Last night, it was so bad I can feel it going up to my collarbones. That bad.

Everyday during the day I've got no one to talk to except listening to the motor of the pump.

I want to meet up with friends, have a cup of coffee and a slice of cake at Coffeebean. I want to rebond my hair, have a nice haircut, have some highlights done. But I can't. Why? Because I'm tied up with pumping schedule and I am Sean's only source of nutrition.

I'm not saying that this is the worst for me. Many other mothers could be facing even bigger issues. And they still have to work!

But sometimes, I just need a hug and some encouragement. I don't want to be threatened with you saying you want to send Sean to infant care.

Cos I think I can do a better job. I'm sure I can.

It's just that sometimes, it got too much for me to bear.

Like how Sean really really hates my breast now and I have to spend so much time to coax him while he's half asleep to suckle.

Do you know how that feels? Having Sean turn away from my breast with fury and in absolute disgust? Do you know how rejected and a failure I felt like?

It's not easy being a mother. I want to be stronger and more capable.

Counting blessings

I'm grateful for:


- Sean going to bed at 8pm and sleeping through the night

- My glorious breasts producing so much plentiful of nutritious milk for Sean that we have enough to open an ice-cream parlour now

- Having mum and dad loving me and Sean so much

- Sean laughing so much at me blowing rasberries at him

- Steve taking over and letting me rest in the evenings and weekends (thank god for weekends!)

- Sean looking out for me when I'm not in the same room

- Sean breaking into big smiles first thing in the morning when he sees us

- Sean kicking off the blanket, revealing his bah-bah legs

- Sean pulling my hair, leaving me bald patches (I kid u not...)

- Sean gripping off Steve's spectacles

Sean's my man.

And Steve too.

MY ALONSO WON!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!

YES!!! HE DID IT!!!

MY ALONSO WON!!!!

I knew he would win, for me!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

It was a surreal feeling at the race. The adrenaline, I even felt quite light-headed for abit, because the excitement when the cars whizzed by! It's just beyond description!


We put Sean to bed at 8pm and he was sleeping away soundly, just as he has been for the past month or so. And so he was left in my mum's care and we sneaked away for a couple of hours for the qualifying session. I tell u, I was clutching to my mobile the entire time we were away, ready to pick up SOS calls from mum. And she did, just once, for Sean was bawling away. Thankfully, after a quick diaper change, he went back to sleep.


It was a really nice feeling taking public transport with Steve again, holding his hands tightly in the mayhem crowds, leaning on his shoulders and wondering if Sean would be fine, enjoying the race with him, cheering my guts out whenever Alonso passed by...I'm really grateful for this hard to come by opportunity to romance my man again, even though it took me a while to get use to the fact that Sean's at home and not with me!


We should do this soon again, my big darling. I enjoyed the few short hours' of coupletime very very much.


Anyway, back to the race. Alonso didn't disappoint me with the grand results. But I was really devastated when his car failed during Q2. He was just in front of us when he has to step out of his car when he has been doing so well throughout all the practices!


But he won ultimately and he so deserves it! I wish he can have a better car next year. His calibre should take him to many more championships.


I love Sean and Steven and Alonso!!

Formula 1

We are going to the race!! Yeah!

It's finally here, the much anticipated race of the season.

HOWEVER...

That will mean I'll be away from Sean for the first time. Since the moment he's born, I've been with him every single hour, never apart for more than a few minutes. I wonder if he can cope?

It doesn't help that he's grown very sticky to us now. Everytime we bring him to Steve's mum's place, he will get tearful for a whole of 15-30 minutes. And he simply refuses anyone else to carry him.

We have intended for my mum to take care of Sean during the race. My mum and dad's brilliant with kids but it all depends on Sean. He's the boss and he calls the shots.

Will be trying out a dry round this weekend and leave Sean in my mum's care. If all else fails, then I'm afraid I'll have to give the race a miss this year...

Alonso would be so disappointed....

Anyhoo, I hope Hamilton keeps up with his 'winning' streak.

天才個屁！！

Ok. To set the record straight. The reason why this blog is named the way it is, is purely due to my love for the comic series Slamdunk, especially for the character of Sakuragi Hanamichi 櫻木花道. He always self-professes himself as a 天才 especially when it comes to basketball when in fact, he's a total klutz. Perhaps he himself knows the truth too, but he never gives up in the sport, and through his perseverence and indeed, accidental foolishness, he became an important member in his team.

It is becos of this that I identify with him. I am no 天才 of cos, but I'd like to learn from his character and be like him. Haha! Seems quite sad that I'm learning from a comic figure but hey, it's a good story, and it's depicts many of my beliefs. So there.

Oh! Sean had his 5-in-1 jab yesterday and he was such a brave boy! He shrieked for only like 3 seconds when the needle is poked, then he's back to his usual cheerful self. Well done Sean! U are brilliant!

My name is Sean

Hi. My name is Sean Wong and I have just turned 3 months old today.

The Olympics are over, but my training is just beginning...

I may be at the tender age of 3 months old, but I'm a lean mean fighting baby

I train hard for the swimming events

14 gold medals so what??

I'm preparing for the men's 6kg class weightlifting event too



I'll crush my opponents like a cockroach.


I may not be walking now but watch out world,

I'll be bolting Bolt out in no time.

Of course, a good diet helps prepare my little body for the arduous training.

Mummy's milk is the best.

Plenty of sleep is mandatory, even in windy conditions.

But sometimes. I just need to spend some me-time alone,

cruising in the car...

Daddy trains me hard, but I love him very much cos he buys alot of toys for me.

I adore Mummy truckloads, cos she spoils me rotten.

My name is Sean Wong Jingxuan.

My parents say I'm a champion baby.

I don't know about that, but I do know I'm their champion baby.

By the way, Mummy's friend in Edinburgh sent me a toy!

It's a tortoise and it makes alot of funny sounds! I really love playing with it!

Thank you Uncle Gary!

景軒長大了。。。

Sean has been in a fussy mood this week...

Somehow, he just seems rather different from the previous weeks.

Maybe it's just him growing up.

He has refused to take my breast, preferring the bottle. But yet, when I feed him lying down, he will take it, but only with coaxing.

This depressed me alot and I felt really rejected. Searched up the net on this and found that it could be that the baby is starting to be curious about his surroundings, so may not want to face inwards to feed. And it's said to be just a passing phase, lasting from a few days to a week or so.

I certainly hope it will be over soon. Nothing beats having Sean looking at me with his big bright innocent eyes while breastfeeding him.

He also likes to play with his saliva now, blowing them out in bubbles. And he will smile everytime I wipe them off. He makes cute sounds every now and then, and his favourite expression is "cool".

He's showing his personality too. He's got a BIG character. And I think Steve and I will have a pretty hard time training his temper.

Still, Sean's a big darling and I love him so much.

Kids, they grow up too fast...

Sean sleeping at a week's old

Now...

Sean looking handsome at a week's old

Looking even more so fine now

Bursting

A few nights ago, Sean fell asleep like this, holding my finger...





Have you ever felt the sudden urge to just burst into tears?

I have been having the tendency to do so almost every morning, recently.

Don't get me wrong...I am not undergoing post-natal depression, though the blues I have certainly experienced just the week after delivery. But that's over now.

Perhaps it's just that bit of the stress and fatigue that contributes to it. Or maybe really, I just need to let it all out...

The euphoria, the wonderness, the high of it all.

Maybe it's really the feeling of having so much love for my little boy, that it's so overwhelming and taking over me mind, body and soul.

I've never felt so much love for someone in my life.

Well, except for Sean's Daddy, of course.

I'm glad I've found the right man, and I'm glad I have such a marvellous son.

I'm blessed, and I'm really thankful.

There are mistakes that I've made, wrong turns that I've taken...those were really dark days. So rough that I became numb to the slightest pain, oblivious to the slightest concern.

And I'm grateful for that patch of life too.

Cos it just made me treasure the littliest happiness, be it just the blue blue skies at the break of dawn, or just a fart that Sean makes (what a change of tone!).

That's happiness.

I am truly happy.

Being a stay-at-home-mum is the most satisfying job in the world!!

U agree?

I have been one for the past 3 weeks or so and I must say, it was a helluva experience.

I must be paying back for all those lazy hours spent sleeping during my pregnancy...

Now, my every hour and minute is spent with my darling Sean. Not that I'm complaining, I love him to bits! In fact, I am most willing and can indeed spend the whole of my waking hours to be just beside him, stroking his cute little head and saying to him "How much Mummy loves him.". But it's not easy. Any time I can find in between meeting Sean's needs I try to catch some sleep. But by the time i can do that, Sean's awake again.

Indeed, being a mother is the toughest job on earth. Like now, I have to type with one hand becos I'm carrying him with the other. And this entry has been saved as draft for the umpteem before it can be properly uploaded. Sean wants to be carried and cuddled most of the time. He's been spoilt rotten. But i dun mind :)

And he's growing well! I'm really thankful for that. He can smile and giggle alot now, and he loves his bathtime and playtime! My heart melts whenever he smiles at me. Really, nothing else is more important than seeing him healthy and happy. Nothing else.

And as usual, I must end this off with Sean's ultimate "Disturb my sleep and I'll whack u" look...

Baby Sean is here!

It has been a ride!

Finally, I can proudly announce that Baby Sean has arrived.

And how time flies! He's turning one month old tomorrow! Well done Sean!

I should have updated here earlier, but settling down into the role of a mother is not easy. Where should I begin? Now, everyday of my life is taken up with expressing milk and taking care of Sean. 24 hours doesn't seem enough and having a pair of hands seems inadequate. Sometimes I wish I can be an octopus at will so that I can latch Sean on with one hand, express milk with the other and do other things at the same time.

Anyway, maybe I can talk about the actual day. Sean's EDD was 8 June, and I was really hoping for him to arrive on my birthday, or on his EDD. But when these days came and passed and Sean still didn't seem anxious to come out and say hi, I was getting pretty frustrated already. So we decided to go for an induction on the third day past his EDD.

I don't know, it could be the "it's in the mind" thingie. Or maybe Sean just want to play a game of hide and seek. Cos in the early morning of the day of the induction, I started to have strong contractions and obvious signs of labour. Cheeky cheeky Sean...

By the time we reached the hospital, my contractions were starting to get really strong but bearable. But things were really quite slow as I'm not dilating quick enough. So the plan of inducing went ahead. You cannot imagine the pain that came on after this procedure was done. The contractions were really powerful and came like waves after waves, upping the pain scale with as every seconds passed...This lasted for about 6 hours or so, and the laughing gas didn't help at all. I can still recall the splitting pain, as if my pelvic is about to break...And I was really discouraged to know that I was only 2 cm dilated with all this pain that I suffered! At first, I thought I can go without epidural, but it looks like that's the way to go. And boy oh boy! How I wish I had opted for epidural right from the beginning, cos things was a breeze after it was given. I can hardly feel any pain and became so relaxed that I was fully dilated within 2 hours. It took me just about 4 pushes altogether and before I know it, Sean's first cries were heard, safely in my arms.

The early days were difficult. Sean couldn't really latch on and we didn't want to bottlefeed him cos I was really concerned that he might reject breastfeeding altogether later. Because of this, Sean lost quite an amount of weight. I felt very guilty seeing him distressed and wailing so hard that I got quite depressed. Eventually, we gave in. But I'm glad that I didn't insist on not bottlefeeding him, because now, with loads of practice, Sean is able to latch on pretty well, so all's not lost. :)

And Steve was such a great support. He was with me with every painful gasp I make in the delivery room, assuring and comforting me all the time. I cannot imagine the amount of distress I would be in without him.

They say having a kid ages you. It does. I'm learning new things from Sean everyday. More significantly, he has taught me how to love selflessly and patiently. Labour pain is certainly unbearable, but if you ask me, I wouldn't mind experiencing it a second time all over again, cos to me, it is the experience of the greatest love of all.

Some lovely photos to share.

And a killer shot to end this post....and I mean really killer....