Of Dates, Dinner and Darlings

On a certain Saturday night, we sneaked out for a date.

Sean was left at home, fast asleep in my mum and dad's care.

And he did gave his parents a peaceful and enjoyable night out.

It was a wonderful dinner date at St. Pierre's. The tasting menu was fab but a tad too much! By the time we finished the foie gras, it was only halfway through and we were already filled to the brim! But it's been a long time since we wined and dine like this. Dressing up abit, talking through dinner holding hands..I love times like this.

Thank you darling for bringing me out and making me feel special and loved as your wife. Thank you for taking the effort to come home early and giving me the support and help I so need. I didn't marry the wrong guy.

And Sean is really enjoying his tummy time alot now. He would laugh so much everytime I put him like that. And he can read! Hahaha!

Daddy bought Sean a high chair, we're all ready to start Sean on solids, and I think Sean can't wait too! Another 2 weeks' time!

Sean's Ah Yees bought him a lovely set of clothes! He's a cute bumble bee now! Thank you Ah Yees!! MUAKS!!!

Sean loves his jumperoo too! Gosh! Sean's so spoilt isn't he?

And on 2 consecutive mornings, we found Sean in this position from this...

To this!

It really amazes me how Sean is growing. Each pleasant surprise he brings, each progress, each milestone, it all makes me so, so grateful for all that I have. I'm really proud of my son.

4 Months!

I'm feeling better now.

Guess I shouldn't be so obsessed about milk supply. Afterall, I'm still producing about 1.2 litres everyday now. That should be good enough.

Sean is drinking breastmilk exclusively from birth till now. Many times I wonder if I would feel better, and indeed have more time on hand if we switch to giving him formula milk. But I don't want to give up. Formula milk can never replace how breastmilk can benefit Sean. Besides, imagine the amount of money I can save! And you never know what dodgy ingredients go into synthetic stuff. Well, at least not now. Wait till Sean is older and his immune system is stronger, then we'll give him stuff from the adult world.

Sean is 4 months old today!! Progress!!

- he can move himself in a clockwise position when lying down
- he can lift his head and look at us for a long time when he's on his tummy
- he can grab mummy's hair very well (oh yes he can)
- he's growing teeth! 2 from the lower gums!
- he doesn't use any pacifier! well, at least not at the moment...
- he recognises and would smile and laugh when i sing him "twinkle twinkle little star" and "old macdonald has a farm"
- he knows what foul smell is and would cover his nose when his diaper is being changed
- he likes story-telling time


You have done so well my darling boy. You're the best Sean!

Timeout

Strange how this is going to be so in contrast with the previous post....

I flew into a rage at Sean this morning. And it was the first time I ever did so.

I banged doors, talked loudly, scolded him, did all these while he's finally fell asleep after he kicked up a big fuss while I was expressing milk. I know I shouldn't have...I felt so bad after my tantrum that I cried so badly, telling Sean that Mummy's very sorry.

And my milk supply has dropped...

After 3 plus months of expressing milk round the clock and totalling about 1.5 litres of milk supply every day, I've decided to cut back to expressing less times per day.

And supply has dropped.

1.5 litres is alot for Sean. But the thought of seeing that drop saddens and makes me feel so guilty.

I'm not a working mother, thus providing Sean with milk is the least I can do, isn't it?

Everyday, I have to deal with engorgement issues, not having enough milk, pacifying and entertaining Sean while I'm tied up with expressing, feeding him every 2 to 3 hours, everything! And I simply hate engorgement! Last night, it was so bad I can feel it going up to my collarbones. That bad.

Everyday during the day I've got no one to talk to except listening to the motor of the pump.

I want to meet up with friends, have a cup of coffee and a slice of cake at Coffeebean. I want to rebond my hair, have a nice haircut, have some highlights done. But I can't. Why? Because I'm tied up with pumping schedule and I am Sean's only source of nutrition.

I'm not saying that this is the worst for me. Many other mothers could be facing even bigger issues. And they still have to work!

But sometimes, I just need a hug and some encouragement. I don't want to be threatened with you saying you want to send Sean to infant care.

Cos I think I can do a better job. I'm sure I can.

It's just that sometimes, it got too much for me to bear.

Like how Sean really really hates my breast now and I have to spend so much time to coax him while he's half asleep to suckle.

Do you know how that feels? Having Sean turn away from my breast with fury and in absolute disgust? Do you know how rejected and a failure I felt like?

It's not easy being a mother. I want to be stronger and more capable.

Counting blessings

I'm grateful for:


- Sean going to bed at 8pm and sleeping through the night

- My glorious breasts producing so much plentiful of nutritious milk for Sean that we have enough to open an ice-cream parlour now

- Having mum and dad loving me and Sean so much

- Sean laughing so much at me blowing rasberries at him

- Steve taking over and letting me rest in the evenings and weekends (thank god for weekends!)

- Sean looking out for me when I'm not in the same room

- Sean breaking into big smiles first thing in the morning when he sees us

- Sean kicking off the blanket, revealing his bah-bah legs

- Sean pulling my hair, leaving me bald patches (I kid u not...)

- Sean gripping off Steve's spectacles

Sean's my man.

And Steve too.