God, please grant me patience...

Sean brings out the best and worst in me.

A minute, he can make me the happiest person alive, when he finally opens his mouth and eats.

The next minute, he can make me the most monstrous mother on earth, giving him cold stares and scolding him for refusing to eat again.

I've been feeling like this for every single day for the last 3 weeks or so.

Happy, euphoric, victorious, relieved.

Then suddenly -

Depressed, angry, frustrated, defeated, guilty.

It's got so bad I even scolded the 'f' word on Sean.

What kind of a mother am I to do that?

I know I shouldn't and am setting a bad example.

But I really can't help it..I tried to control myself but I can't, I just can't anymore...

One morning, I threw the bowl full of Sean's untouched breakfast into the kitchen sink and sat down on the floor breaking into tears uncontrollably.

There and then, I felt like I'm beaten through and through.

I am a total failure.

I've failed as a mum.

Sigh.

I know I just got to chill.

Kids will eat when they are hungry. They will eat when they want to.

Kids are cleverer than u think.

I know, I know.

I know all that I should know...

It's been 3 weeks since Sean refuses his meals.

When is this food battle going to end?

I feel really tired and exhausted..

God, please grant me patience and love towards Sean.

God, please help me...

God, please help Sean...